It's a beautiful day for a hangover
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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