piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize