We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
