Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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