I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize