The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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