You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
