is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
