we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
