I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
