Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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