Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
