You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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