I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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