Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
