Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
where does the pee come out of this thing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
