I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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