Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
