I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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