he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
