my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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