if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize