Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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