Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
