bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why is your signature on my underwear?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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