people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
