Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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