I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
