i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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