my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
