So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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