He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
