How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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