She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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