I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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