New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
