i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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