Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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