I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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