gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
