I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
