I faked an abortion last night.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
