Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
