Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
why is half of my head shaved?
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