Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
