the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
