I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
