are you still at the devil's house?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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