am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
