Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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