Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Terrible idea I love it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize