My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize