drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize