I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
