Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
