My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize