If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
