I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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